Sunday's are Best

Well here it is another Sunday! I love this day, Jason is off of work 90% of the time on Sunday and we usually get the house cleaner, (it's never clean these days), do some other fun things like watching a movie grocery shopping and menial tasks that we all hate to do! Like I said I am designing vintage style aprons, while doing this my sketching skills need let's call it work! So here I am at 6:30 am on this glorious day while Jas and Maddey snore the morning away, sketching some ideas always changing and erasing thinking I can do better. Well I got bored and decided to write a little note! I have a birthday coming up in a mere 2 months or so. I am only turning 34 but I think it is worse than being 30. Down with a back injury for just shy of 2 years and now feeling almost human I wonder, what the hell do I want to do? Do I want to find some meaningless job or really make a go for it witht the catering, or something different? We are surviving just fine with just Jason's paycheck but my God another paycheck would be nice! But I love to cook! But what if I fail. All the bad thoughts of my Mother and others come rushing back into my head at a very ferocious speed. What if???? Am I a bad person? Do I not deserve success? Everyone I see that is at the level of success I yearn for is a workaholic, I cannot leave Maddey for long hours of the day and expect someone else to be there for the not so important things. Jason travels alot in spring and summer so I could not work long hours. Maddey already misses her Dad for those times and not to mention the fact that we do love to travel to see him on the weekends while he is gone. Is there a part-time job that would let me work during school hours and let me off on the weekends and maybe a Friday or Monday here or there if we need a long wekend with Jason. Easier asked then answered! I suddenly feel the need to show Maddey that I am a Mom who loves her and also a women that needs something outside of the house and still has the need to be successful and praised for more than wow Mom you really can whoop butt on a load of Laundry! Okay I am rambling! Well if anyone has all the answers, please pass them on at least to me! I promise I will not share unless you let me! Bye for now!!!!